Happy Earth Day!

To celebrate this day, let me share a composition from Kirk McGowan --- a real estate developer and cracker extraordinaire. Enjoy!

My Occupation on Earth Day

We build single family homes.

Or maybe I should describe it as - we desecrate nature's beautiful and delicate perfection by gashing and gutting the fruitful and feral earth, ripping flora and fauna from its life source, entombing the ground with a cold, hard impenetrable smashed rock, castrating the virile soil from cradling the untouched seedlings and unsoiled greens. By haphazardly hammering together these boxes composed of tree corpses and unnatural material we oust, we expel, we evict the cute and innocent four legged, two winged, and slimy skinned fellow inhabitants from their protective and pristine homes. Yes, that's right we smash, bash, and shatter; we beat, blow, and pulverize. We demolish, demean, and consume with a rakish smile.

And so we erect these abominations that frivolously shelter garbage bearing, noise supplying, fume yielding, nauseating, repugnant, vile, shameless humans just so these repulsive, gross, foul, vulgar, stinking humans can scrape the landscape by driving their metal contraptions, their vibrating cans of destruction farther and farther from necessity.

But I like to think of what we do is rearrange the chaos in a more organized manner; that's right, we finish the job that god started; basically, what I am saying is we tell mother nature to go back to the kitchen, we're setting the table.

And no, he doesn't buy the whole "global warming" thing... and yes, he used to be a champion swimmer in his glory days. He is Libertarian... which I think explains everything.

Can I also adjust my biological clock to fall back one hour?

Earlier today, I checked my e-mail and found out that one of my college friends is pregnant. I have not heard from her for like, a year or two, so it was quite a surprise.

Her baby daddy is a 23-year old boy (she's 28, like me) they met when she acted in a play that he directed. I never knew that there was a performing artist-side of her the same way I never knew she'd get it on with the play's director. :P

A couple of weeks back, my younger brother and his wife welcomed their baby boy. A friend asked me what was it like becoming an aunt again. My reply: It felt like I just got kicked in the ovaries. My friend just LOL'd. I don't understand, I really felt like my ovaries shrunk a bit, is that weird?

My point? Babies ruin the lives of single people.

I kid, I kid (no pun intended). I love babies. I'd like to have seven someday. Or maybe a puppy.

"I do, in fact, like helping miserable children, Mr. Sedaris."

Last Monday, I went to An Evening with David Sedaris in San Jose. Granted I was late a good thirty minutes, but all was worth the trip and the embarrassing journey to our designated seats.


One entrance was for even numbered seats, the entrance on the other side of the building was for odd numbered seats. I looked at our tickets, and of course, it said: Seats 1 and 2! What are the chances, right? Our seats were smack in the middle of the balcony! WTH. It would have been fine if we weren't late, I turned to the usher and gave her a pleading look of seating us somewhere else. She got what my eyes where whining about and told me, "It's a full house, you have to seat on your assigned seats, and we can't have you sit on the steps." That ended that.


So, for what seemed like an eternity, I gathered up the strength to walk through several feet of people laughing, blocking some people's view in the process. With every seat I pass, I had to do the customary, "Excuse us, I'm sorry". It didn't help at all that the balcony was just one long row after another. Seriously, if I ever watch a show at that place again, I would never eat Mexican food... nor drink lots of water prior to the show. OR maybe, that's when the Stadium Pal can come in handy... at least for the water consumption, Mexican food is still a no-go.


Finally, we got settled in: We laughed at Mr. Sedaris' funny stories. May have wiped tears off my eyes once or twice. Applauded non-stop (I did stop... eventually).


I don't know when I'll get to see him read again, I did enjoy it a lot. I had three books signed by him... it was so surreal. At one point, I thought to myself, "I am actually exchanging words with David Sedaris!". Here's a memento from that unforgettable night:



Everything was just so unreal and I was so giddy with excitement. When I got home, I saw a package (and the name of its sender) that it hit me, I did not get a book autographed for my friend. Sob. I was feeling so horribly selfish as I wrap myself in the tartan throw the same friend gave me from his recent trip to Scotland. An autographed book could have been the perfect Christmas present for him. For a minute I was tempted into whiting-out my name and replacing it with his name, but then I realize, that's worse. LOL. He was the one who convinced me to skip school to see the show, and this is how I thank him? What a friend I am. (I scoff at myself)

Wanna be my friend?