Good Friday?

Today's Good Friday. I've always observed traditional practices during Lent... not this year. To start with, it's not that easy to observe Lent after moving to the U.S. (also, I am part of the workforce now), but I have modified it a bit where I can still attend mass, do the confession, etc. I also abstain from doing something (usually shopping, eating meat) beginning Ash Wednesday and during the season's 40-day duration.

I am from a devout Catholic family. We attended mass regularly, I attended Catholic school from kindergarden through college, my brother was an altar-server, my sister and I were members of "Hijas de Maria" and the children's choir. I was even secretary of the Religion Club in high school. That's right, a club with a lot of praying involved.

Even with that background (which was pretty common if one was raised in the predominantly Catholic Philippines), I always considered myself a liberal Catholic. Liberal in the sense that I (to a certain extent) support pro-choice; I support birth control and contraception; I am all for same-sex marriage. Our mother always respected our beliefs, and gave us the right to walk our own religious paths. I chose the liberal path, taking with me the Catholic "essentials:" the 10 Commandments, knowing the 7 capital sins, support of charity and social justice. I may sound simple-minded and even naive, but it works for me.

So why is this Good Friday different from previous ones? You know when you've been in a long-term relationship and you want to take a breather for awhile... just to take in everything and assess the status of your relationship? That's how I feel right now as a Catholic. It's like you've been together for so long and you're just together because it's convenient and comfortable. Of course, this has been triggered by the whole "Catholic abuse scandals." It just made the question in my head all the more unavoidable: "Am I really a part of that church?" But FYI, I am still a believer, I don't think my relationship with God has changed. It's more like, "do I really want a middle man in our relationship?" Moreso, a middle man who tells you to follow all sorts of things while they sweep all sort of (kinky) things under the rug.

Am I just jumping the Anti-Catholic bandwagon? I don't know. It's one of those "hating-the-establishment" sentiment that I'm feeling right now. Should I explore other organized religion or be a "Cafeteria Catholic?" I really don't know.

One things for sure, I know I'll still end up going to Easter Sunday services. It can't be helped... especially when mom's around.